We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
