I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
