She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
