So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
