y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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