Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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