I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
