I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
