I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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