Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
