Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
