He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
