i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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