sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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