So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
