Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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