yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
