one two three fourrrrnication!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
