My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
