i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
