on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
