Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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