I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
