Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
