it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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