He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
