i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
