dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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