OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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