The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
