i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
