I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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