So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
