we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
