I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
