i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
