Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
