My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Two words: nipple clamps
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