Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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