I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
