y did u give ur computer a hand job?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
