Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
