Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
