I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
