Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
