My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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