i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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