xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
