i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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