Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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