He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
