my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
