Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
