Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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